I started studying the Bible with the Jehovah’s Witnesses in 1986, at the age of 13, following my mother’s lead. By January 1988, I was baptized and quickly immersed in the congregation’s activities, becoming an Auxiliary Pioneer, and six months later, a Regular Pioneer.
Being new to the congregation, I naturally tried to be friendly. One day, I greeted a man and shook his hand, but I immediately noticed the awkwardness on his face. A fellow congregant quickly pulled me aside to inform me that this man was “disfellowshipped” and that I shouldn’t speak to him. This was my first encounter with the shunning policy, and while it felt strange, I accepted it, trusting that it was part of “Jehovah’s loving discipline”.
I soon experienced the weight of this policy firsthand when a close friend of mine was “disassociated” from the congregation. At the time, non-baptized individuals were not disfellowshipped but disassociated, which carried the same treatment as disfellowshipping. I had to avoid my friend entirely, following the congregation’s instructions. A few months later, this rule softened, allowing us to speak to these individuals, although we were still encouraged to avoid forming close relationships (soft shunning).
My perspective on shunning began to shift drastically in 1999 when I was disfellowshipped for three years. During this time, I was completely shunned by the congregation. This painful experience made me realize how isolating and damaging the practice could be. After my reinstatement in 2002, I could no longer bring myself to shun others, despite the pressure from my fellow Witnesses. This earned me criticism and a reputation for being “spiritually weak”, but I stood firm in my refusal to participate in shunning.
In 2018, my wife and I made the difficult decision to leave the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Even though we were not officially disfellowshipped, we were labeled as apostates. Since then, we have been completely shunned by all our former friends and family members within the organization. They’ve sent us messages accusing us of being “sons of Satan” and claimed I was possessed by demons. Even at moments of personal loss, such as my father’s death, no one reached out. To them, we are as good as dead.
The shunning policy that I once adhered to has now cut me off from people I cared about for decades. It’s a policy that fractures relationships and leaves deep emotional scars, but sharing my story has helped me find peace.