Translated by SMS from the original language
I have spent almost 40 years of my life as an active member of Jehovah’s Witnesses. For 20 of those years, I served as an elder (local congregation pastor), which is a highly respected position in the congregation.
In 2005, my daughter was disfellowshipped and decided she would not return to the organization. Despite the official stance requiring all in the congregation to completely shun disfellowshipped persons including family members—my wife and I and our son decided that we would not shun her. We in fact continued to associate with my daughter.
Later, a travelling overseer visiting our congregation insisted on strict adherence to the organization’s policies—in particular their shunning policy. Our son had “privileges” (titles & assignments) within the organization that he didn’t want to lose. Therefore, he chose to adhere to the overseer’s directive and stopped all contact with his disfellowshipped sister.
He told us that his change in attitude was due to a deepened religious conviction. That decision of his would deeply hurt our daughter, who has suffered greatly from the isolation.
It has now been almost 20 years since my son has seen his sister. The pain of that separation is something we live with every day.
My wife and I could not bear to sever our relationship with our daughter, so we continued to see her. As a result, I lost all my “privileges” within the congregation. I was stripped of my appointment as an “elder”, and not allowed to participate in any responsibilities except for the lowly task of cleaning the Kingdom Hall.
I still officially remain an active member of Jehovah’s Witnesses—not out of belief, but because it is the only way I can maintain contact with my son and grandchildren.
This is not just a nominal membership. Much effort is required for my wife and I to give the appearance of being believing JW’s. Rather regularly, I attend meetings at the Kingdom Hall. I participate in proselytizing every month and spend time attending conventions every year.
I must carefully censor everything I say when I am in the presence of active JW’s. I cannot participate in many common activities that are off-limits to JW’s, for fear of being discovered.
Putting forth this much effort to pretend to be someone I am not is difficult and exhausting. But leaving the organization entirely would mean losing my son and grandchildren as well, and that is a price too high for me to pay. That is why I have chosen to speak out about my experience while remaining anonymous.