I was raised in the New Independent Fundamental Baptist movement from age 10 until I left when I was 18. This high-control group expects complete and utter obedience to the church, their version of the Bible, and your parents.
There were several large incidents of shunning during my childhood and teen years. Every time it happened, someone would be completely ostracized by everyone and made to feel less than human.
I was also asked by my mother to shun my own brother with the underlying threat that I would be shunned too if I didn’t obey and shun him. When the group shuns you, they make you feel completely alone. It is as if no one loves you at all and it messes with your brain. My group shunned big time when members tried to leave—their way of keeping people in the group. They know that nobody wants to go through that kind of mental pain, especially from their family.
Being shunned prompts very unhealthy thoughts and feelings in the victims, such as very low self-worth and suicidal thoughts. Targets of mandated shunning are left to navigate the foreign world without any family. I did this all when I was 18.
Even though I had experienced shunning many times before then, the shunning at 18 was the worst I had ever experienced. I had suicidal thoughts. I felt I had no one. And I knew I didn’t ever want to go back. But I also didn’t know how to move forward.
I am still shunned by my mother and brother who continue to be in this religious group. They don’t talk to me at all and we have no relationship anymore. I would like to say it gets easier over time. But really, you just get more used to it.