Jordan: I Couldn't "Pray the Gay Away"

I was born and raised a Jehovah’s Witness in a loving family, the youngest of six children. My family was extremely involved in the organization. My father was a presiding overseer in the congregation, my three brothers were ministerial servants and elders, and my uncles were circuit overseers.

I knew that I was gay at a young age, but thought that it was “just a phase” or that I could “pray away the gay.” This was not the case, and I therefore struggled immensely with the thought that I was not good enough and that I would potentially not get to reap the benefits that the organization had stated: “The Bible promises life on a paradise new earth to spend forever with your family, happy and healthy.”

I had to try my best to navigate what was happening in my real life and that which did not make sense on multiple levels. Attending school was not easy, as I was required to leave class when there was a birthday or holiday event.

When I was seven, at the age to understand right and wrong, my older sister was disfellowshipped from the congregation. I did not speak with her for five years, per the organizational rules of mandated shunning, a rule followed by my parents. When she came back to the organization and was reinstated, it was like nothing happened. Our family picked up as normal.

Therefore, I knew from an early age how my parents, family, and friends would shun me when I finally came out as gay. I graduated high school and started nursing school. After becoming a CNA (certified nurse assistant) at 18, I mustered up the courage to finally come out to one of my siblings. Even though we didn’t celebrate birthdays, it was my 19th birthday. From that point on, it was a few weeks of transition, but my family did as expected, and the shunning process took place. No communication. I could go to funerals, and that was it.

Two years later, in 2008, at 21, I met my husband of 16 years now (who was raised by a very strict Pentecostal family). In 2009, my grandfather passed away. I was able to attend the funeral, but afterward, when I asked if the family was going to dinner, my mother said, “Yes, but I’m sorry you are not invited.” This was in front of my husband as well. That is the last time I’ve seen them in person.

I have followed the rules and regulations by staying quiet. I am not here to speak negatively about religions out there, but the mandated shunning practice is a crime and a significant violation of human rights.

I am strong on so many levels. I was able to make it in life, find happiness and love through my soulmate, and join an adopted family that has so graciously taken us both under their wings, providing an unconditional love that I never knew existed.

I am here to share my story to help those who might be struggling. Listen and hear me: everything is going to be okay. You are not alone! Stay strong, you’ve got this!