Julie: Shouldering the Burden—Julie’s Journey from Shunning to Freedom

I was born into the religion (Jehovah's Witnesses). I was disfellowshipped at age 28. At the time, I was married with young children, and both my then-husband and I were disfellowshipped and shunned. It was devastating to us both. We attempted to appeal our case but were dissuaded by the elder committee. Our young children were subsequently shunned by extension. Even their grandparents had limited association with them.

We found out that one of the elders on our committee gossiped about our case. The whole ordeal was just terrible. We were shunned for a little over a year. However, we worked hard to get back in.

While I struggled to stay in and maintain good standing, I suffered from extreme depression. Many times, I'd sit in the bathroom stall and cry before and after the meetings. I ended up seeking professional help and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated heavily for years. I never felt like my condition improved. Incidentally, I was later told that was a misdiagnosis.

Between all the medication, the never-ending depression, and the self-harm (cutting), I ended up in the "backroom" with a group of three elders sitting in judgment of me on multiple occasions. It was terribly damaging.

Finally, in 2014, I was disfellowshipped a second time. This time, my feelings were very different. I knew what I had done was a misguided and painful, yet desperate attempt to change my life. My husband and I divorced, I moved out of the house, and was truly on my own. I made no immediate effort to return to the religion.

I had chronic shoulder pain, and one day shortly after this major life change, I noticed the absence of that pain. At the time, I thought it was a result of the divorce and finally being away from the stress of an unhappy marriage. Now I'm realizing it was likely from letting go of the stress of the religion.

While I was experiencing a newfound freedom of sorts, I was still shunned by my daughter, my parents, and every single friend and family member in my life. It was difficult, to say the least. I was truly alone.

Well, I soon found friends and even started dating a man whom I'm now married to. I realized I had to go back to the religion to get people back in my life, mainly my family. I was also still very indoctrinated and felt like I needed to be in the good graces of the religion to have salvation.

I began attending a different congregation from the one I was disfellowshipped in. It didn't take too long; I was reinstated within a few months of making the effort. I was shunned for about a year in total this time around.

I tried very hard to be a good Jehovah's Witness for several years thereafter. Ultimately, I left on my own terms about four years ago. I have since done extensive research and truly realize this religion does NOT have truth and salvation within its teachings, but rather control and judgment. It has done far more damage than good in my life, and many others can cite a similar experience.

Fortunately, my adult children are out of the religion as well as their father. We are all much happier for it. And that shoulder pain I mentioned earlier—my daughter had the same experience when she left the religion: the disappearance of chronic shoulder pain.

There are so many layers of psychological and even physical damage this religion does to people—not only to those victimized by mandated shunning, but also through the high-control power exerted over all of its members.