The Ache of Obedience—A Parent's Story of Mandated Shunning

As a parent, the pain of being told to turn away from your own child—someone you carried, raised, and love unconditionally—is an ache that words can scarcely contain. Some of us have seen announcements from the platform made casually, even with a smile, while our hearts broke inside. We’ve felt the shift in how others look at our children or at us—as if a wall quietly slid into place between us and the community we once felt part of.

One of my children was never baptized, but was still publicly announced as no longer being an unbaptized publisher. I’ll never forget the smile on the brother’s face who made the announcement, nor the way the congregation changed after that. Although he wasn't officially shunned, something changed. The air was colder. The judgment was unspoken, but palpable.

Some parents have taken a harsh approach, treating their disfellowshipped or disassociated children as if they no longer exist. But for many of us, it wasn’t about cruelty. It was anguish. It was the impossible burden of having to turn our backs—only because we believed we were doing what was “right.” I had to direct my younger children—who were all still home—on how to treat their sibling. It tore me apart. They didn’t understand. Truthfully, I barely did either.