Tony: The Hidden Cost of Silence: An Elder’s Story of Shunning and Conscience

I am a second-generation Jehovah’s Witness. From childhood, I was introduced to studying the Bible within this religion, and at 15, I was baptized. Over the years, I took on various roles, including pioneer, ministerial servant, and elder. Currently, I am distanced from the religion but not entirely inactive. I cannot formally disassociate myself because doing so would mean losing all contact with my family and friends.

I understand that every organization—be it a company, school, or religious entity—requires rules of conduct. For instance, if a student commits serious acts of indiscipline, it’s understandable that the school might take severe measures, such as expulsion. Similarly, if I were caught stealing at my workplace, I would be fired. Consequences are a natural part of life.

However, what the leadership of Jehovah’s Witnesses enforces is cruel and inhumane. While the Bible does mention expelling undisciplined members from the congregation, it does not advocate for the complete severance of family and social ties. This practice turns the life of the expelled individual into a torment, pressuring them to return to the religion. If the expulsion is unjust, driven by personal interests, the person is left with no support system, as everyone is prohibited from interacting with them under threat of also being expelled. How can someone seek help to correct an injustice when even disagreeing with a removal could lead to their own exclusion? This structure resembles an ecclesiastical dictatorship.

One of the events that made me question the doctrines was my participation in a judicial committee involving a 14-year-old boy. For privacy reasons, I won’t go into details. Of the three elders present, I was the only one against the boy’s expulsion. The other two decided on removal, arguing that it might teach him a lesson and prevent future issues. Tragically, days after the decision, the boy drowned. This trauma haunts me to this day.

Little is discussed about the emotional toll on elders, who are used as instruments by the leadership of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Many develop depression, anxiety, and trauma due to the doctrines imposed by the Governing Body. They too are victims of the system. After years of serving as an elder, I was persecuted for maintaining contact with an expelled relative, which is also grounds for disfellowshipping. This inner conflict led me to step down from my role, a decision I consider one of the best I’ve ever made.

Today, though still tied to the religion, I work behind the scenes to support causes that seek change. Unfortunately, the leadership only reacts to public exposure, lawsuits, or financial losses. The organization even created the term “disassociated” to label those who voluntarily leave, even without committing serious transgressions. This means that someone who decides to leave the religion—whether to follow a different path or simply because they no longer identify with its beliefs—is treated the same as someone expelled. Family and friends are instructed to cut all contact.

This policy forces many to remain in the religion against their will, just to avoid ostracism and the severing of personal ties. I am certain that if people were allowed to leave freely without consequences, thousands, perhaps millions, would leave the religion the very next day.

Some urgent changes need to be implemented, such as:

• Allowing members to leave the religion without suffering ostracism (disassociation)
• Eliminating the public announcement of the names of those who leave or are expelled
• Prohibiting the baptism of children and teenagers
• Respecting individuals’ decisions on how to treat those who leave or are expelled
• Ending punishments for attending weddings between members and non-members
• Combating the cover-up of sexual abuse cases

Some progress has been made, such as relaxing rules on beards, sexual practices between married couples, toasting, and women wearing pants on formal occasions. However, there is still much to be done. I hope that the case in Norway opens doors for further changes.

May my experience contribute in some way to reflection and progress.

Note: English is not my native language. Thank you for your understanding.