Katrina Hunter: Life After Leaving: A Year of Pain, Clarity, and Survival

To be honest, the past year has been pretty rough. I was so unprepared for everything and so confused. I made two suicide attempts. I feel like I’m out of control, and the guilt is insane — my marriage, all my choices I’ve ever made in life — I’ve realized have not been my own.

My mum, dad, two sisters, and brother don’t speak to me. They’re incredibly judgmental. When I walk past the carts, I am looked at and then looked away from with such a look of pure disgust on the faces of the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

My husband left six months after me. It’s tough, as we’re both going through the process alone and together. We’re both in therapy, but there’s just the constant awareness that every day something will pop up that makes you think “How?” and “Why?” All the things that are so incredibly wrong — I can’t believe I believed it all.

There’s too much to say to write it all down. Every time you try to explain to someone how it really is, most people don’t get it. They think, “It’s just a religion, just leave.” But the whole set-up is so subtle, and the organization is so clever and slithery. The fact that they are deleting a whole generation of us who have been taught things and obeyed rules that are wrong is just upsetting and wrong.

Since I’ve based my whole life and big life decisions on what eight men have been telling me to do, I am very sad and upset about it.